I guess it shouldn’t have come as any big surprise to us that our son had a learning disability. My mother didn’t make it any further than the seventh grade at school. She always told me she wasn’t smart, and her best subject at school was singing in the choir. She grew up in the 30’s when people were in the dark about learning problems at school. I myself remember getting regularly stumped with math. I had trouble remembering concepts, stuff you couldn’t see. I also remember sitting in one of my university prof’s offices asking him to repeat one more time what the difference was between subjective and objective information. For some reason I couldn’t get my head around what those two words meant. I grew up during the 60’s when learning disabilities were being discussed amongst academics and the trickling down of knowledge to the school system had only just begun. Now it is a well-known fact that learning disabilities often run in families. Even so, it took my husband and me ten years to figure out our son had one.
Our hang-up was in confusing learning disabilities with being lazy. Our son could do reasonably well at school, if he worked hard. That was always the telling tale as far as I was concerned. I’d say to him, “what you put in is what you get out.” This, however, is not how it works with children who have problems learning. They might be giving it all they got, and still not getting decent marks. Sooner or later they figure out school is a ton of work, just to eke out a passing grade. Our son was constantly fighting the temptation to do something else. You can’t blame them for becoming disinterested. If you were an investor, would you hang onto a venture that was only giving you back minimal returns?
We were also confused by the ups and downs of our son’s performance. How could a kid sometimes pull off an A and other times get the worst mark in the class? His problem, turns out, was in how his brain processed information. It took him longer than most other kids to figure out what he had to do. Needless to say reading was a real chore for him, and his go-to choice for a book report was usually a graphic novel. My son’s story, lucky for him (and us), has a happy ending. He was fortunate to have an astute grade ten teacher who recommended he get tested. The test results opened our eyes to both our son’s limitations and his amazing potential. This was also the key which opened the door to support and learning accommodations at university.
What I learned from our experience is that learning disabilities are not something you can easily put into words. You know something is wrong, but you’re not sure what. We muddled around for years, and as embarrassing as it is for me to admit this, I had a background that should had led me to know better. In other words, it doesn’t matter who you are or what you know, you or someone you love still may be faced with this challenge.
If you suspect your child has learning challenges, the first step is to get some information so you know what you’re talking about. From there it’s a matter of talking to your child’s teacher and school counselor, and doing what is best for your child. Notice I didn’t say, “do what you think is best,” because what I found out first hand, and have seen in others, is that parents are not always right. Let’s face it, not every parent is happy to swallow the notion their child has a learning disability. This is only natural, when you consider our children come from us, and therefore can’t help but be, in part, a reflection of us. There is also the dismantling of dreams to face. Every parent has hopes about what they want their children to become. Sometimes these take a while to let go of and re-invent.
I can’t say it’s all going to be a fairy tale ending once you get on board with the learning challenges your children face. I can however guarantee it won’t be a boring story. It will be full of surprises, upsets, and revelations. Some of you may even walk away thinking you have a best-seller on your hands. As parents, we instinctively hope for, and aim for a happy, successful life for our children. I believe this is achievable for all of us. I should add not without some effort of on our part and that of our children. The important thing is never to give up. As Yogi Berra once said, “It ain’t over till it’s over.”